I'm good at complaining. Very good. I can find fault with pretty much everything, because everyone knows that not thinking anything is good enough is a mark of sophistication, right? So naturally, I have to point out how awful seeing Swan Lake performed by Russians was.
First off, just getting in. Eight Dollars for a ticket. I come all the way over to Russia and go to a world-class show, and they want 8 bucks? That's like six sodas at the magazine by my school. Who cares if it's covered by the program, that's the most ridiculous price I've ever heard of.
Second, the seating. I got the cheap seats for a reason. I had no intention of being stuck in a small private box with a perfect view and only a handful of polite, quiet Russians around me. I wanted to be in the uncomfortable mob with all my friends, unable to see anything or appreciate the show. What do they think I am, a foreigner?
And, of course, can't forget the music. It was so well performed, if it wasn't for the musicians in the pit you wouldn't know that there were real people and potential human error involved. Maybe they were robots? Nobody wants ballet performed by Robots! And the dancers! The lead was so flexible, her arms doubled back in the wrong direction when she straightened them. . . dancers aren't supposed to be bendy, how can bendy people do the robot? If you're played by a robot, at least dance like one! And the swans! All dancing in perfect unison and synchronization, how are you supposed to remember that one pretty ballerina if she looked exactly like she's supposed to? It's an outrage at times.
Perfect, pretty ballerinas give me an easy segue into the topic of Russian women. Face it: I'm in Russia, I have to bring this up eventually. As a rule of thumb, Russian girls are mighty, mighty fine. Gorgeous little critters. Both ends of the “attractiveness” spectrum are represented here: the Tatar girls are the embodiment of “cute” and the Russians of “beautiful.” From what my friends have told me, the guys here are sub-par, but that's not an issue of much concern to me. Russian culture is also more tolerant of flirtation than American; I mean I managed to give one girl earrings the second time I saw her. The niceties I've been shown would be the definition of “hitting on” back home, here it's just people being sweet. Never before in my life has a girl I just met told me I have the most beautiful eyelashes she's ever seen. Not going to complain. I find the heels which put all of them at twice my high a little unnerving, but I think normal guys find that attractive so I won't complain. Just between you (how many people are reading this anyway?) and me, there are a handful who have caught my eye. I'm sure some combination of the interesting American, helpless foreigner, and adorably sweet yet still awesome Alex cards will do the trick. I'll keep y'all posted.
Mentioning a segue reminded me of Segways, because yes they do have them here. And yes, security guards do use them: some things are the same in all nations. You see them pretty regularly, especially on Baumina. Problem with Baumina is that you can see anything there. Girls in skanky bright pink outfits trying to force adds on you, guys on moon shoes dressed up in sparkly silver hippie-astronaut outfits, Russian flashmob attempts fizzling out, already they have street-art tributes to Steve Jobs. Sure, it's a hyper-commercialized tourist area, but you can have a lot of fun there. I know. I have.
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